How Self-Care Helped Me Heal

After many years of abuse, I lost my identity. I had lost most of my friendships and stopped doing the things that I once enjoyed. During my healing process, I was challenged by my ministry leader to take myself on a date. I had never heard of such a thing. The idea of going out by myself was a little frightening, but I wanted to at least give it a try. We had exactly one month to take ourselves out. The following month we would meet to discuss our experiences.

From the day that I got my assignment, I mulled over the idea and tried brainstorming on things I could possibly do and enjoy alone. The most terrifying part about it for me was the thought of people staring at me. I just knew all eyes would be on the girl sitting all by her lonesome. After thinking about it for a while, I decided to spend an entire day on treating myself. I had recently done the “big chop” and wanted to get my ears pierced to look more feminine with my newly formed locs. I chose to go to the furthest mall from my home and got my ears pierced. Next, I went to get a pedicure. So far, I didn’t feel out of place. My final stop was to dinner. I chose my favorite Italian restaurant and prayed no one would make a big deal of me sitting alone. I took my book with me inside and prepared to be seated. I made it clear to the hostess that I only needed a table for one. Oddly enough, she sat me smack dab in the middle of the restaurant. I could feel eyes burning on the back of my neck or so I thought. I couldn’t figure out if this was reality or if I had just imagined it. I think my waitress may have been more nervous than I was though! She kept checking on me and asked if I was expecting anyone. Nope, just me!

That night was the first of many solo dates for me. It is now a very regular practice of mine. In that moment, I started to relearn what I liked. Being mentally abused, meant that I needed extreme healing and deliverance from the dependence on another for validation. I had grown comfortable in chaos and needed to get to know me again. I needed the stability of self-love. By the time I left, I had planned a follow-up date for myself by myself! I couldn’t wait to share my experience with the other ladies who were on the healing journey with me! Is there anything that you want to do, but are too afraid to try on your own?

Self-care is not selfish.

Self-care is not selfish.Click To Tweet “No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body.” Ephesians 5:29-30 NLT It’s very necessary and especially while on the path towards healing. Not comfortable with eating alone yet? Try going to the beach or park and reading some scriptures or listening to empowerment audios. Is there a movie you’d like to see, but no one else is available? Go for it! There’s no time like the present to start taking care of you. God loves you. Do you love you? When is the last time you did something you enjoyed? Don’t let fear hold you captive. Before the month is over, I challenge you to engage in an act of self-care. Take yourself out. Treat yourself. No need to wait for someone else to.


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Whit DevereauxComment