Looking Back to Look Forward
It's been nearly 3 years since I wrote anything that I felt compelled to share with the Overcoming & Becoming One With God blog community. September 2021 to be exact. As we enter 2024, I finally have something to say. The truth is so much happened over this course of time that I didn't know where to begin. Subsequently I went into solitude, silenced for a season as I allowed the voice of God to be louder than the world's. I learned so much about trauma, grief, healing, mental health, and entrepreneurship during the last few years. I have five takeaways that may be able to help you or a friend start or even continue their own healing process so let's get into it.
Many of you know that in 2020, the year of unspeakable challenges that I'm sure many of us will never forget but would love to be able to, I lost my beloved father at the top of the shutdown. Anyone who read Not By My Own or The Girl With The Crooked Smile, knows that Daddy was my heart. When he left this earth a part of my heart went with him. I still hear his voice when I need it most, reminding me that I “never quit and had those babies and just kept going.” I hear him when I'm nearly on the brink of impatience with my daughter saying, “be patient with her baby.” I still think of him and his belief behind the power of words. I can hear him say whenever someone asks how I'm doing, “I'm terrific and getting better.”
Takeaway #1
We only have today. Sure it's the top of the year and many of us set goals and resolutions and future plans (and that's great) but the truth of the matter is we only have today. What we do with this day matters as none of us knows when the last hour will be upon us. Daddy's passing taught me to live each day with great intentionality and every chance I get I share with those I love the importance of living fully, living presently, and leaving a legacy. On August 30, 2021 I told a friend this as we stood by the rocks on 39th street beach. I had been trying for months to get him to come to what I've deemed as my peaceful place and this time he said yes. I'll not soon forget the look on his face when I told him we only have today. He really absorbed it, took it in. I had no way of knowing that 2 days later I'd get a call saying that he had been killed, tragically and senselessly. I nearly lost my mind and for 1 ½ years I was in search of security, safety, and sanity.
Takeaway #2
The therapist you choose matters. After being diagnosed with PTSD and Uncomplicated Grief, I found it important to find a therapist who specialized in these areas. I had a therapist I had been seeing who helped me through the pandemic and it's effects on my daughter's mental health, co-parenting difficulties and even in the death of my Old Man. When it came to traumatic loss caused by unnatural death, I needed to see someone qualified to help me walk through this valley. Definitely no shade or disrespect to my clinician. I believe God has gifted His children with specific and special skills and it's up to us to find the therapist best suited to support and even challenge us. I was literally afraid to leave my home. If I was an overprotective mom before it certainly kicked into high gear after September 2021. By the time I finished 6 months of trauma and grief counseling, I was in a much better space. If you take nothing else from Takeaway #2, I'll remind you of this: don't give up on therapy because you haven't found a good fit. Keep trying until you find the therapist for you.
Takeaway #3
People mean well but often fall short. When I set an intention to take my time in healing I had to forgive a few people: friends who made insensitive remarks; people who thought they were being helpful when their comments pushed me away; a therapist who told me it was time to get to the business of living; a parent who caused me to struggle with an orphan spirit. None of these people apologized but I had to actively forgive them so I could keep on healing, moment by moment when day by day felt like too much to take on. P.S. That one friend was right. I would love again and my story wasn't over.
Takeaway #4
Only say yes to and do what you actually want to do. In 2023, I officially stopped offering PR Done Right services and closed the virtual doors to my nonprofit Not By My Own Community Inc. I loved what I did until I no longer did. When it started to feel like a chore or task and no longer set my soul on fire I knew it was time to shift. How did I know that it was the right decision to say no more? The immediate peace that I felt said so. I told my NBMOC board members and mentees and made a final donation from our account to a local domestic violence agency. I finished with the last PR client, removed the services from my website, and added the announcement to my email signature and kept it moving. By saying yes to me again that meant prioritizing my mental health, family, and author/advocacy work.
Takeaway #5
Look Back to Look Forward. If you've made it to this point, take a moment to reflect on your past experiences. You may not have experienced trauma but love and loss are part of human existence. God has promised to be with us each step in this life and the next. Whether you want to reflect mentally or write out your reflections it's important to look back to look forward. “This I recall to my mind therefore I have hope.” I sign off every email the same way because no matter what happens I choose to look forward. No dwelling. No wallowing. Simply this:
Looking Forward,
Whit